So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
