I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
