I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
