watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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