this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
