Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
