Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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