I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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