i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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