sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
