A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
