omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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