There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
