i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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