We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
