sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
