Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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