Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
