literally had 100 drinks last night.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
