I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
