Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
