They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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