Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
