I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've blown a few things in my day
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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