Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
