so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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