He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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