the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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