Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
