Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
