So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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