hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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