we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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