saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
