best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
