We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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