hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
