They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
