I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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