i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i've created a new STD.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
