I'm lost and stupid without you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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