he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
