You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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