i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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