well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
