I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
