Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The uberlube is also flammable
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
