How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Holy sore nipples Batman
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