Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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