mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
