I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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