well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
