I have demons in me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
