I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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