if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
